No support response trying to graduate an app. How do I graduate to production?

What does it take to get an app graduated? I have met all the requirements, and submitted my app through the console on two separate occasions - no response from support. I have tried creating a help ticket with the developer support team... no response. I have tried opening a trouble ticket with support, and the ticket was closed (after it sat for days) because they don't handle developer support. It has now been 3 weeks and I still can't get someone to actually help graduate an app out of the sandbox. WTF.

Why is this company so bad at actual support?